I sit at the computer, scrolling through my friend’s blogs, enjoying a quiet moment as I nurse my son. It’s fun to have an excuse to sit here – I don’t have to explain myself to anyone – I am feeding my son. I have 10 guilty free moments here, and I am gonna enjoy every one of them. After being up 4 times with him during the night, I feel like I’ve earned this break. The laundry can sit, the dishes can soak…
As I scroll, a little face peeks up at me. I gently push him back to eat. He stops eating and peers up at me again. “Oh,” I think to myself, “you can’t be done already! I haven’t looked at Gerb’s blog yet and it’s my favorite…please just a few more moments!”. I encourage him to eat again. He looks up at me expectantly.
“Sheesh,” I think sarcastically, “that was a quick one. Thanks for the break, kiddo.” He stares at me.
I grab his hand playfully and pretend to eat it. His tiny, unblemished brow crinkles, as if to say, “C’mon, Momma, that’s not what I want.”
I stare down into his amazing little eyes. He stares back expectantly and raises his hand. I lower my face. He reaches up with his small, chubby hand and places it on my cheek. We look into each others eyes again. He smiles. He coos. He smiles at me and yet, through me. He taps into my body and squeezes my heart. He tugs on the strings that exist only in poems and songs. It’s one teeny moment, but an amazing one that gives me a little perspective and peace in this life of flashy minutes and chaos.
Thank you, my sweet baby boy, I really needed that.