It is cold.

I realize the reason that it NEEDS to be cold, but it doesn’t prevent me from shivering underneath the thin sheet draped over my lower body.

Seems like I’ve been cold all day. Maybe it’s nervousness, or just the anticipation of today and all it could possible bring, but my body is just telling me one thing; I am cold.

Since having the tumor removed 6 months ago (I know, has it really been that long?), I have felt like I can’t get warm for anything. I haven’t been much of a whiny woman, complaining about the cold or the weather or the temperature of the house, but since the surgery, I haven’t been able to get warm and stay warm.

And now I am in a room laying on a crunchy table with a thin sheet draped over me, looking up at the tiled ceiling and just thinking about the cold.

Maybe it’s my way of keeping my mind off of the IV stuck in my arm. Or the huge machine humming loudly at my feet. Or the fact that I’m about to be pumped full of iodine (contrast) and no matter what I do or how hard I cross my legs, I will feel like I’m wetting the bed.

When the nurse first put the IV in my arm and flushed it out with saline, the taste in my mouth was OVERWHELMING and I was literally slammed in the face with memories of the last time I tasted saline in the hospital. And the pain, and the scariness, and the pain, and the worry and the PAIN.

I took a few deep breaths and remembered that no matter what, everything was going to work out for the best. There was nothing I could do to change the outcome, and I would be ok.

But then I was lying on my back in the room by myself and I was lonely and I was a little scared and the lights were bright and the saline was stronger and I was COLD and I suddenly NEEDED everything to be ok and holy crap what if it isn’t and I’m glad that at least the nurse is a girl instead of a cute guy this time so I won’t feel embarrassed when I feel like I wet the bed and I really didn’t.

“Raise you hands above your head.” The nurse instructed.

I did.

“I’m going to leave the room now, just follow the directions of the machine when it starts.” She said.

“Ok.” I replied.

And there I was, listening to the robotic voice of the CT machine with my arms above my head and goosebumps covering my body.

“We’re starting the contrast now.” The nurse said over the speaker.

Suddenly, the cold feeling disappeared and my body started to feel warm from the inside out. Then it was HOT, nearly a burning sensation from the interior of my muscles to the surface of my skin and my mouth was hot most of all. It tasted like it was full of pennies…old scuffed up pennies that tasted like metal but grosser and HOT.

And, naturally, I felt like I wet the bed.

The machine hummed, whirred and got louder until a feminine robot voice sounded from the sides with my instructions.

“Take a deep breath and hold it in.” stated the Robot CT Voice.

I did.

The table moved forward, paused.

“Release your breath.” Robot Voice said.

I did.

“Take another breath and hold it”. She instructed.

I did.

The table rolled back, paused, rolled forward a little, paused, rolled back all the way.

I repeated this once more before the machine resumed it’s quiet hum and the nurse returned to the room and removed my IV.

I was able to get dressed and leave the lab and idle away and hour and a half before my doctor’s appointment where he would read the results of my scan.

I wanted to eat lunch, but I’ll admit, I was too nervous.

So I found Bookman’s on my GPS (it was in the ghetto, but what’s a nervous girl to do?) and the time FLEW by before I had to be in the office to get the results.

Turns out,

I am tumor-free.

There is a large fluid filled cyst down by my left ovary (which I totally thought had been removed), but it’s not cancerous, so it isn’t such very bad news. And unless it causes me more problems or pain in the next few weeks, it won’t have to be removed surgically, which is awesome (for now).

So, no “omas” in this body, thankyouverymuch! (you know…sarcomas, paragangliomas, scaryomas)

As always, I have a LOT of Thank You’s to go around, those who prayed for me, those who called to check, those who helped with my kiddos that day (Camille and Rachel!!), and those who cared and sent well wishes my way. You truly enrich my life and have helped me make it to this point.

I am seriously so very, very blessed!!!


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